We started this week off with a bang! I was down to pumping 2x a day and was thinking about going to 1x and then stopping altogether. On Tuesday morning I decided to attempt to latch Haley on one last time before quiting once and for all. She is so happy in the mornings that I thought it was as good a time as any… and she did it! Not for very long, but she did it – oh,I was so happy! The best thing was that I finally had that iconic moment where I was looking down into my baby’s eyes and she was looking back up at me – it was the perfect moment and what I was so looking forward to for so many months and years. Uh- I get teary just thinking about it. I immediately called the lactation consultant office at Morton Plant and made an appointment for Wednesday morning. And then I waited impatiently for Wednesday. That day I did a lot of skin to skin with Haley and that was great – I hadn’t really done it since she was 3 weeks old because it was uncomfortable for me, but Monday night I had realized that I wasn’t in a lot of pain anymore, so I was willing to take a chance. I loved every minute of it! And Haley liked it too I think 🙂
Wednesday we went to our lactation appointment with our hopes high (but not too much, because I knew better than that!). She wouldn’t latch on (which I wasn’t surprised about because she was hungry and not so happy) and the lactation nurse took one look at me and said that I still wasn’t ‘right’ (as in, something is still wrong with that ‘area’). I thought so, but now I knew for sure. Anyway, she explained that we could probably get Haley back to breastfeeding, but it would include me pumping 8 times a day again to increase my milk supply because she probably wouldn’t latch good until I had the milk there for her. We talked about the possibility of that increasing my ‘issues’ again and she said that was a risk. She also looked up in the ‘booby bible’ what my problem could be and what she found was that a small percentage of women are just really sensitive in that area and they just can’t breastfeed because it is too painful. We are thinking this group may include me. She was very supportive of everything that I had done up until that point and very supportive of me stopping this journey now if that’s what I thought best. It was a really good visit, even though it wasn’t exactly what I wanted to hear. I have to say that all the lactation nurses that I met with at Morton Plant were excellent and they definitely made this journey easier for me/us – even though it hasn’t been easy in any way. The nurse I met with that day encouraged me to find more new mothers in our area and I thought that was an excellent idea. I have a couple friends in town that are also new mom’s, but more support and friends are always welcome! After that meeting, I met my friend for a quick lunch. We had a good time and it was therapeutic for both of us. I then had a bunch of errands to run before heading home – finally!
That night we took a walk with Daddy and he and I had a good talk about the whole breastfeeding issue. We decided together that it was best if I just stopped now while I still have time to enjoy our baby before she gets too much bigger. I missed out on a lot those first weeks and months while I was busy pumping and dealing with the pain that I was having. This is the best decision for everyone. It is… it is… it is… (I just have to keep telling myself that!). I know in my head that it is, but my heart wants something different. I’ll let you in on a little secret too. One thing I will miss by not breastfeeding: being able to leave a group and take my baby with me for a little cuddle time when it’s time to eat. Now anybody can feed her (which can be a good thing too!), but I miss having that excuse to be able to hold her for a while. Of course, many people would say I get to see and cuddle her everyday, but that still doesn’t mean that sometimes I want to get a way for a little while with just her. It’s hard to explain, but it’s true and that’s how I feel. It should be something that only I can do, but it’s not… I am glad that Sean gets to feed her too; although, that was always in the plans.
That night we also decided it was time to take Haley out of her bassinet and get her into the pack-n-play for her night time sleeping. I tried her in it a few times for naps so that it wouldn’t be a total shock and she does sleep in her crib sometimes for naps without any problems, so… I hated to take her out of the bassinet, she looks so cute in it, but she has outgrown it! She slept pretty good in the pack-n-play, but we had her on the upper mattress part and when she moved it would rock and make a rustling noise that kept Sean and I awake. We did that for a couple nights and then I took out the upper mattress and we started just using the lower mattress and that works great. It is lower down and a little hard to get her in and out (especially when she’s already asleep), but it’s much quieter and is working well. Can’t believe she’s getting so big!
Thursday and Friday were regular days and then on Saturday I had to work again. Sean was home with Haley and they had quite a productive day! They even brought me lunch at work and I was able to get some visiting in with them during nap time at the daycare 🙂 That made my day! After I got off work we made our way up to my parent’s riverhouse to celebrate my mom’s birthday. They had a great fried fish dinner ready for us and it was a good thing because we were hungry! We spent some more time visiting after dinner and then had a great night of sleep.
Sunday we had a delicious breakfast prepared by my dad in honor of my mom’s birthday and then we just hung out for most of the morning. That afternoon we took a ride on their boat and Haley got to wear her supper cute life jacket. She didn’t really enjoy putting it on, but once the boat got moving she was in love! I think we’ve got a sailor on our hands. She really liked watching the scenery and the water as we made our way down the Withlacoochee River. We had a fun picnic lunch and then headed back to the house while Haley took a nap. As we were getting ready to leave the house my mom noticed some manatee in the river, so we all rushed down to see them and take lots of pictures. It was a family of three with a tiny baby! So cute 🙂 After we watched them for a while, we had to leave the peaceful riverhouse and come on back home because Sean and I both had to work on Monday.
Monday Sean and I headed off to work while my mom spent the day watching Haley. That was a nervous day for me… not because I was worried about my mom (of course!), just because we had never left her for that long with anyone before. It went great, of course, and my mom and Haley had a wonderful day together. I’m glad that they got to spend that time together – although I missed Haley like crazy! It kinda sucks taking care of other people’s babies, when I know my own is at home without me… (I think it might be different if I was still working in a NICU, but because I’m working at a daycare it seems strange to have her being watched by someone else while I watch other people’s children!) But, even though it’s hard (for me!), I think it’s good for both of us. I’m sure Haley gets tired of seeing me all the time and it’s good for me to keep my hands into nursing in case I ever need to go back full time.
So, Haley stuff… She’s smiling all the time now! And not just at the fan 🙂 Although, she still does have quite a fondness for the fan. She is really enjoying playmat time, her bouncey seat, and her bumbo chair. She still really doesn’t care for tummy time, although we’re trying to work on that even more now since we’ve noticed the back of her head is getting a little flat. She’s sleeping in her crib for naps and her pack-n-play for night-night time. She still loves to get a bath and I’m trying to do that every other night since she loves it so much. She’s still only rolling onto her side and she still can’t seem to get her thumb in her mouth, but she is loving trying to fit her fist in there! She’s got a little routine going on: get up for the day between 8 & 9AM, play a little while, eat, play some more, nap for 30 minutes, eat, play, nap for 30 minutes, eat, play… you get the idea! She’s been going to bed around 9PM and sleeping for about 6 hours, the eating, sleeping for 3 hours, eating again, and then sleeping for about another 3 hours. Of course, this all can change on a daily basis, but that’s about the gist of it. We’ve also started going on nightly walks with Daddy and Hogan. What a life!
Happy Birthday to Gammy!
Thought for the Week: When do we stop smiling with our whole bodies?!
# of pictures taken this week: 157
# of pictures taken on my phone this week: 20
# of videos taken this week: 6
# of videos taken so far: 64! (just on our video camera, that doesn’t include our phones!)
# of life changing decisions made this week: at least 1 🙂
Video of Haley in the morning 🙂 (FYI – I am saying, “I heard you” not something else…)